“Place one foot here,” I directed as I guided her right foot toward the metal footrest at the end of the bed. “And your other foot there,” I smiled.

Timidly, my meek patient with her eyes focused on some nondescript spot on her lap, placed one foot in each footrest, then stared back at me blankly.

“Now slide down to the end of the table,” I instructed gently.

The slender woman slid gingerly down the upholstered bed until her bottom was just at the edge and then instinctively laid back. Her legs collapsed into one another like two trees bowing under the weight of time.

“Just relax and let your knees fall apart,” I spoke softly as her tense legs tremored not wanting to part.

At the end of the difficult exam, she looked at me and finally spoke.

“He was my older cousin. Fifteen years older.” Tears cascaded down her cheeks. “But it was my fault because I never said ‘no’. I was too scared. I was so young.”

“We were on a date, but I didn’t want to,” another one cried. “I didn’t tell anyone, because I didn’t want to get him in trouble.”

“I was five. She put my hands down her pants and made me rub,” the next one whispered.

“I kept telling him to stop, but he put his fingers inside.” She wrung her hands together so tightly her knuckles turned white. “But he didn’t do anything. He just put his fingers in, so it wasn’t rape.”

More than 1 in 3 women experience sexual violence during their lifetime. So, statistically speaking, either your mother, sister or daughter have been or will be a victim of such destructive aggression. As a gynecologist, daily I see many of these women – sometimes presenting as the one too anxious to do a pelvic exam, other times the one seeking help for pain with intercourse but most frequently presenting with a smile she has learned to wear in disguise.

The definition of sexual violence is simple, i.e. any sexual activity when consent is not obtained or freely given. Yes, it includes rape, but it also includes child sexual abuse, incest and sexual assault facilitated by drugs and/or alcohol, an intimate partner or against men and boys. It still amazes me how many of my patients don’t recognize they have been victimized – blaming themselves, explaining away the perpetrator’s behavior or suppressing memories. While these coping mechanisms allow my patients to avoid the true issue, what they are doing is putting a Band-Aid on something that has been deeply broken.

Unbeknownst to many, attempting to suppress the emotions associated with sexual violence only leads to the pain seeping out in other areas of their lives. Difficulty trusting, lack of self-worth, struggling with intimacy and depression are just some of the ways these emotions will find their way out. We tell these women and men to “tell someone” or “get help,” but how can they when the last thing they want is to feel alone again.

Until we cultivate a conversation around sexual violence …

Until we appreciate that throwing one celebrity rapist in jail does not equate to justice for the thousands of other women who watch their violators daily walk the streets …

Until we are not ok with turning a blind eye on allegations against our favorite political candidate …

Until we dismantle the systems in place that propagate such behaviors …

Until then, sexual violence will continue to be the most underreported crime in the U.S.

But how can you help, after you’ve shared your #MeToo, what can you do? Keep the conversation going. Pull off your own Band-Aid, seek help and learn how to heal. Stop further victimizing victims!

Since the recent social movement against sexual violence started, I’ve heard so many men and women voice their concerns about the prospect of unproven accusations destroying someone’s career or concerns about claims of sexual misconduct that don’t ‘quite raise to that level.’ But when you consider, in the time it has taken you to read this article four women – that is, someone’s mother, sister, daughter and friend – have been sexually assaulted and after investigation only about 6% of rapes are deemed unfounded, we must take these allegations seriously and ensure that more than just celebrities are brought to justice!